By Graham Osborne
Valentines Day is supposed to be one of those times of year where you’re guaranteed some sort of intimate bedroom dance ritual with your significant other/one night stand/random hobo in the alley behind the bar you were trying to find initial said one night stand. But that’s enough about my last Valentines Day. There are more pressing problems at hand.
If YOU, dear reader, are having troubles making your geeky partner moan in ecstasy, if your sabre just won’t light, or you’re experiencing a spell that’s drier than Tatooine’s drought season. Then step right this way, and we will show you some of the best sex positions for Geeks!
For the sake of some people's delicate disposition, and to protect the innocent, we have chosen to censor all images. The original images were very raunchy though. Oh yes...
Valentines Day is supposed to be one of those times of year where you’re guaranteed some sort of intimate bedroom dance ritual with your significant other/one night stand/random hobo in the alley behind the bar you were trying to find initial said one night stand. But that’s enough about my last Valentines Day. There are more pressing problems at hand.
If YOU, dear reader, are having troubles making your geeky partner moan in ecstasy, if your sabre just won’t light, or you’re experiencing a spell that’s drier than Tatooine’s drought season. Then step right this way, and we will show you some of the best sex positions for Geeks!
For the sake of some people's delicate disposition, and to protect the innocent, we have chosen to censor all images. The original images were very raunchy though. Oh yes...
The Firefly
We’ll start off easy. The Firefly is a simple enough technique, all you need to do is start having sex, and then, when it’s starting to get really good. Just stop. Pull out and walk away. If you get enough people wanting that sex back, then make sure you finish off in a properly spectacular fashion, on the Big Screen (trust me, everything’s bigger on the Big Screen)
We’ll start off easy. The Firefly is a simple enough technique, all you need to do is start having sex, and then, when it’s starting to get really good. Just stop. Pull out and walk away. If you get enough people wanting that sex back, then make sure you finish off in a properly spectacular fashion, on the Big Screen (trust me, everything’s bigger on the Big Screen)
Quantum Leap
Quantum Leap is for those of you who like to play the field, but don’t want to get caught. The gist of this position is to meet with many partners, under the guise of their loved one, at which point you copulate furiously. Just don’t forget to “leap” when you’re done.
Quantum Leap is for those of you who like to play the field, but don’t want to get caught. The gist of this position is to meet with many partners, under the guise of their loved one, at which point you copulate furiously. Just don’t forget to “leap” when you’re done.
The TARDIS
The TARDIS is incredibly easy. Simply find a female partner who has been around the block a bit, and make a bigger on the inside pun. Sexy medical practitioner costume optional, but recommended for the full effect.
The TARDIS is incredibly easy. Simply find a female partner who has been around the block a bit, and make a bigger on the inside pun. Sexy medical practitioner costume optional, but recommended for the full effect.
The River Song
For the ladies. To some degree, the River Song is very similar to the Quantum Leap. Primarily, you and your partner will engager in coitus, whilst you are wearing a number of different disguises. Following that you must attempt to assassinate him before seducing and marrying the confused chap. If you can’t quite get all the killing out of your system, I suggest finding a shapeshifting robot double of your beloved, and killing that.
For the ladies. To some degree, the River Song is very similar to the Quantum Leap. Primarily, you and your partner will engager in coitus, whilst you are wearing a number of different disguises. Following that you must attempt to assassinate him before seducing and marrying the confused chap. If you can’t quite get all the killing out of your system, I suggest finding a shapeshifting robot double of your beloved, and killing that.
Fringe
Fringe is one for the more adventurous out there. First, you must find an elderly mental patient, ideally this patient should be a disgraced scientist. Then the two of you should self medicate with a cocktail of numerous hallucinogens, before consummating your union amidst a haze of crazy things that aren’t quite explainable through conventional science.
Fringe is one for the more adventurous out there. First, you must find an elderly mental patient, ideally this patient should be a disgraced scientist. Then the two of you should self medicate with a cocktail of numerous hallucinogens, before consummating your union amidst a haze of crazy things that aren’t quite explainable through conventional science.
The Big Bang Theory
Go to an orgy. Easy-peasy. To make it a really big gang bang, try to find a few obese people to join in.
Go to an orgy. Easy-peasy. To make it a really big gang bang, try to find a few obese people to join in.
X-Men
Transgendered, transexual, transvestite. Name your poison.
Transgendered, transexual, transvestite. Name your poison.
How I Met Your Mother
How I met your mother is a story about the time that our eyes met in a crowded bar. We shared tequila shots whilst talking about our lives. I then told her she didn’t look old enough to have a child your age and her hand gently caressed my thigh. That’s the story of how I met your mother. Mark.
How I met your mother is a story about the time that our eyes met in a crowded bar. We shared tequila shots whilst talking about our lives. I then told her she didn’t look old enough to have a child your age and her hand gently caressed my thigh. That’s the story of how I met your mother. Mark.
Battlestar Galactica
Possibly the most mysterious one on the list. Have sex with your partner, all the while wondering if they’re a robot. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. Maybe You’re the robot. Who the hell knows? Though, if their spine starts glowing red. You may have a frakking Cylon on your hands.
Possibly the most mysterious one on the list. Have sex with your partner, all the while wondering if they’re a robot. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. Maybe You’re the robot. Who the hell knows? Though, if their spine starts glowing red. You may have a frakking Cylon on your hands.
Teen Wolf
Teen Wolf is all about finding the hairiest teenager you can. I’m talking full on grizzly bear type of hairy. The kind of person who gives you a rug burn through four layers of clothing. Then get them howling.
Teen Wolf is all about finding the hairiest teenager you can. I’m talking full on grizzly bear type of hairy. The kind of person who gives you a rug burn through four layers of clothing. Then get them howling.
Black Adder
The Blackadder is rather questionable sexual fetish. Also, the one that relies on plenty of extra-safe condoms. The reason? This one’s all about the STD’s, so many that you should probably have a doctor on standby with a tetanus shot. Just to be safe.
The Blackadder is rather questionable sexual fetish. Also, the one that relies on plenty of extra-safe condoms. The reason? This one’s all about the STD’s, so many that you should probably have a doctor on standby with a tetanus shot. Just to be safe.
Game of Thrones
The Game of Thrones involves lots of lap dances and sex with anyone and everyone. Though a sarcastic dwarf is an absolute must.
The Game of Thrones involves lots of lap dances and sex with anyone and everyone. Though a sarcastic dwarf is an absolute must.
Sherlock
Stay at home alone on Valentines Day. Because sex is completely unnecessary and below you. Unless you need to sneak into the penthouse of a media tycoon, in which case… You may have to take one for the team.
Stay at home alone on Valentines Day. Because sex is completely unnecessary and below you. Unless you need to sneak into the penthouse of a media tycoon, in which case… You may have to take one for the team.
Dexter
For the more S&M inclined of you who are still reading. Picture yourself in a room, with plastic sheeting hanging from the walls. You’re strapped to a table. Held tight by more plastic sheeting. A man appears over you holding a knife. Your eyes dart around the room, and alight on pictures of people from throughout your life. People who you’ve made a difference in their lives, for better or worse. They sit there, watching you through their cold dead eyes as the man raises the knife above his head…
I think we’ll leave it there don’t you?
For the more S&M inclined of you who are still reading. Picture yourself in a room, with plastic sheeting hanging from the walls. You’re strapped to a table. Held tight by more plastic sheeting. A man appears over you holding a knife. Your eyes dart around the room, and alight on pictures of people from throughout your life. People who you’ve made a difference in their lives, for better or worse. They sit there, watching you through their cold dead eyes as the man raises the knife above his head…
I think we’ll leave it there don’t you?
What’s your favourite geeky sex position? Let us know in the comments.
RSS Feed
