by Carla Hodge
Over the years, there have been many, many leading ladies and gents fronting video games. Some of their characteristics make them ideal for super heroics. Like ninjas. Ninjas are fricken ninjas, of course they can save the world if they need to. There's non-human types confronting evil and kicking ass all over the place, too: there's loads of representatives from the animal kingdom with pointy fangs, sharp claws, or flying abilities that naturally give them an edge over their foes. There's other characters, though, who don't obviously have much going in their favour...
1. The humble worm
The trusty annelid has turned out to be quite good for fronting video games; the Worms series and Earthworm Jim will forever be remembered for being a raucous good time.
Over the years, there have been many, many leading ladies and gents fronting video games. Some of their characteristics make them ideal for super heroics. Like ninjas. Ninjas are fricken ninjas, of course they can save the world if they need to. There's non-human types confronting evil and kicking ass all over the place, too: there's loads of representatives from the animal kingdom with pointy fangs, sharp claws, or flying abilities that naturally give them an edge over their foes. There's other characters, though, who don't obviously have much going in their favour...
1. The humble worm
The trusty annelid has turned out to be quite good for fronting video games; the Worms series and Earthworm Jim will forever be remembered for being a raucous good time.
Stringy pink slimy things, though, don't tend to lend themselves to acts of great heroism/holding massive bazookas. Mainly because they don't have limbs. Not even stumpy arms. Really, if their games were a reflection of real life, the player would slowly crawl halfway across a wet path, and then be stepped on by harried commuters.
2. Echidna
Honesty time: how many people had heard of an echidna before Knuckles came along? They seem nice enough and are really good at eating termites and, um, having a big neocortex (part of the brain, science fans), but they're not an obvious choice for anthropomorphising alongside the fastest hedgehog in the world. They do have a particular talent in, er, the area of reproduction, but that's for your parents or Wikipedia to tell you about, and it certainly doesn't have a place in a Sonic game. Eep.
2. Echidna
Honesty time: how many people had heard of an echidna before Knuckles came along? They seem nice enough and are really good at eating termites and, um, having a big neocortex (part of the brain, science fans), but they're not an obvious choice for anthropomorphising alongside the fastest hedgehog in the world. They do have a particular talent in, er, the area of reproduction, but that's for your parents or Wikipedia to tell you about, and it certainly doesn't have a place in a Sonic game. Eep.
3. A spot
Okay, so the 90s was a weird time. Everyone was trying to get over the 80s, and still suffering from the hairspray-induced asphyxiation of all those giant perms and mullets. No-one made good decisions, and that sort of thing doesn't just go away. This probably led to the 1993 platformer, Cool Spot. There was nothing wrong with the game, it was actually pretty good, but the main character was created from part of the 7 Up logo. Not even the whole logo. The spot in the logo. He's not even a punctuation mark, a full stop with a purpose. A red spot. 90S, you so weird.
4. A rotating stick
There's no cultural explanation for this one. Kuru Kuru Kururin was a Game Boy Advance game, released in 2001, and it was a nice little puzzler that was a good test of reflexes and patience. There's no getting around the fact, though, that the game starred a slowly rotating stick. Not even a fast stick that could lop the legs off bad guys when lobbed across a level. Nope, nice and slow.
Okay, so the 90s was a weird time. Everyone was trying to get over the 80s, and still suffering from the hairspray-induced asphyxiation of all those giant perms and mullets. No-one made good decisions, and that sort of thing doesn't just go away. This probably led to the 1993 platformer, Cool Spot. There was nothing wrong with the game, it was actually pretty good, but the main character was created from part of the 7 Up logo. Not even the whole logo. The spot in the logo. He's not even a punctuation mark, a full stop with a purpose. A red spot. 90S, you so weird.
4. A rotating stick
There's no cultural explanation for this one. Kuru Kuru Kururin was a Game Boy Advance game, released in 2001, and it was a nice little puzzler that was a good test of reflexes and patience. There's no getting around the fact, though, that the game starred a slowly rotating stick. Not even a fast stick that could lop the legs off bad guys when lobbed across a level. Nope, nice and slow.
5. An egg
Fundamental characteristics of eggs: runny middle, easily broken shell, tasty with bacon. It's the easily broken shell bit that makes eggs a problematic defender of the weak, being so fundamentally crushable. Fantastic Dizzy filled out an entire videogame world with eggs, and then made eponymous Dizzy traverse falling rocks, plants with teeth, and spiders (presumably with teeth also).
6. A mummy
Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy was an early 2000s game that was surprisingly ace. From the outside, it looked like all the other 3D platformers that were being released at the time. The enjoyment of Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy was rooted very much in how unsuitable poor Mummy was for the trials he was forced into. Sphinx was fine; he had a sword and double jumps and could kick some considerable ass. Mummy, on the other hand, didn't have much at all. No attacks, no badass power moves, just an unfortunate ability to catch on fire. A lot. He was also easily electrocuted, squashed, and turned into a bat (because why not). Mummy was a terrible video game hero, but gosh darn it he was fun.
7. A marble
Marbles have been around since the dawn of time. Well, almost. They cropped up in ancient Egypt and ancient Rome, which is pretty old. After being around for a considerable amount of time, it could well be argued that there is a limited amount of scope left for what can be done with a thing that is designed purely to roll around. Then the future comes along and computers become a thing, and one of the best ideas anyone comes up with is to make a game about a virtual item that is designed purely to roll around. We took technology and we made an entertainment experience with a fake sphere. It's a wonder the human race lasted this long.
Fundamental characteristics of eggs: runny middle, easily broken shell, tasty with bacon. It's the easily broken shell bit that makes eggs a problematic defender of the weak, being so fundamentally crushable. Fantastic Dizzy filled out an entire videogame world with eggs, and then made eponymous Dizzy traverse falling rocks, plants with teeth, and spiders (presumably with teeth also).
6. A mummy
Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy was an early 2000s game that was surprisingly ace. From the outside, it looked like all the other 3D platformers that were being released at the time. The enjoyment of Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy was rooted very much in how unsuitable poor Mummy was for the trials he was forced into. Sphinx was fine; he had a sword and double jumps and could kick some considerable ass. Mummy, on the other hand, didn't have much at all. No attacks, no badass power moves, just an unfortunate ability to catch on fire. A lot. He was also easily electrocuted, squashed, and turned into a bat (because why not). Mummy was a terrible video game hero, but gosh darn it he was fun.
7. A marble
Marbles have been around since the dawn of time. Well, almost. They cropped up in ancient Egypt and ancient Rome, which is pretty old. After being around for a considerable amount of time, it could well be argued that there is a limited amount of scope left for what can be done with a thing that is designed purely to roll around. Then the future comes along and computers become a thing, and one of the best ideas anyone comes up with is to make a game about a virtual item that is designed purely to roll around. We took technology and we made an entertainment experience with a fake sphere. It's a wonder the human race lasted this long.
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