By Tom Sams
In The Legend of Zelda gaming universe, Link is portrayed as the Hero of Time, Light and possibly something involving cutting grass, because those years of training under countless masters and dead heroes would only go to waste if Link didn’t mow the lawn with his sword. Although Link does save the day on countless occasions, he still wreaks havoc and ruins people’s lives on the way. Don’t get me wrong, he is a hero, but he’s a terrible one at that, and now I’m going to tell you why…
In The Legend of Zelda gaming universe, Link is portrayed as the Hero of Time, Light and possibly something involving cutting grass, because those years of training under countless masters and dead heroes would only go to waste if Link didn’t mow the lawn with his sword. Although Link does save the day on countless occasions, he still wreaks havoc and ruins people’s lives on the way. Don’t get me wrong, he is a hero, but he’s a terrible one at that, and now I’m going to tell you why…
5. HE IS A FELON
Ugh, the most original joke in all of LOZ history, well done he smashes pots after breaking into people’s houses and then steals their money, rofl!!1!
Seriously, it’s a little more than just smashing pots and stealing rupees. Let’s take a little look at the most popular LOZ game, Ocarina of Time. There are two places where most of the humans live: Kakariko Village and Castle Town. I’d imagine with a grand total population of roughly 200, it must be pretty hard to come by a job there. Most people spend their days doing nothing. Some people literally spend the entire day dancing… all day… literally.
But some fine 'genius' made the following wanted poster. Nevertheless, Link’s main crimes revolve around home invasion and theft. The hard working citizens of Hyrule - whom, like previously mentioned, must seriously have to work ridiculously hard for every rupee they earn - have to endure a mute man in tights wander through their door, smash their prized possessions, steal their money and then stare at them, likely open mouthed, until they finally break the silence with literally anything… sometimes they’ll tell him where to go just to get him to leave. It’s truly terrifying. What kind of hero can collect such a large amount of felons? The kind of hero that…
Ugh, the most original joke in all of LOZ history, well done he smashes pots after breaking into people’s houses and then steals their money, rofl!!1!
Seriously, it’s a little more than just smashing pots and stealing rupees. Let’s take a little look at the most popular LOZ game, Ocarina of Time. There are two places where most of the humans live: Kakariko Village and Castle Town. I’d imagine with a grand total population of roughly 200, it must be pretty hard to come by a job there. Most people spend their days doing nothing. Some people literally spend the entire day dancing… all day… literally.
But some fine 'genius' made the following wanted poster. Nevertheless, Link’s main crimes revolve around home invasion and theft. The hard working citizens of Hyrule - whom, like previously mentioned, must seriously have to work ridiculously hard for every rupee they earn - have to endure a mute man in tights wander through their door, smash their prized possessions, steal their money and then stare at them, likely open mouthed, until they finally break the silence with literally anything… sometimes they’ll tell him where to go just to get him to leave. It’s truly terrifying. What kind of hero can collect such a large amount of felons? The kind of hero that…
4. HOARDS ITEMS AND STEALS TREASURE
In every LOZ game (well, okay, of the ones that I’ve played), Link has to break into dungeons, temples and other caverns. Inside of these places he often finds gigantic treasure chests that beam out golden rays of light, before he pulls out a weapon, or a ‘treasure’ in some cases.
Then throughout the rest of his adventure he will keep this treasure and never return it. Okay, let’s just bear in mind that he’s visiting these places that contain treasure chests. What does that mean, I hear you inquisitively ask? Somebody has left their treasure in these places. Are they family heirlooms? Are they supposed to be found? There are many questions this presents, but all can be answered when we consider something pretty obvious.
Link stumbles into these dungeons and finds a chest, which is often guarded by enemies intent on killing him. He slaughters these beasts - who are trapped in said dungeon against their own will - before stealing the item from the chest and never returning it. It’s not so bad when you consider that these bad guys are minions of Ganondorf or whomever is in charge this time, but in OOT when you first take the Kokiri sword from the stashed treasure chest, it says you’re going to borrow it, yet in Majora’s Mask you’ve clearly stolen the damn thing and taken it with you through a wormhole or wherever that game takes place. Just look at his stupid smug face… he knows he’s never going to return a Kokiri treasure:
In every LOZ game (well, okay, of the ones that I’ve played), Link has to break into dungeons, temples and other caverns. Inside of these places he often finds gigantic treasure chests that beam out golden rays of light, before he pulls out a weapon, or a ‘treasure’ in some cases.
Then throughout the rest of his adventure he will keep this treasure and never return it. Okay, let’s just bear in mind that he’s visiting these places that contain treasure chests. What does that mean, I hear you inquisitively ask? Somebody has left their treasure in these places. Are they family heirlooms? Are they supposed to be found? There are many questions this presents, but all can be answered when we consider something pretty obvious.
Link stumbles into these dungeons and finds a chest, which is often guarded by enemies intent on killing him. He slaughters these beasts - who are trapped in said dungeon against their own will - before stealing the item from the chest and never returning it. It’s not so bad when you consider that these bad guys are minions of Ganondorf or whomever is in charge this time, but in OOT when you first take the Kokiri sword from the stashed treasure chest, it says you’re going to borrow it, yet in Majora’s Mask you’ve clearly stolen the damn thing and taken it with you through a wormhole or wherever that game takes place. Just look at his stupid smug face… he knows he’s never going to return a Kokiri treasure:
Okay, let’s assume he’s entitling himself to these weapons because he needs to use them to save the world (which still makes him a thieving douchebag). So far, all he’s really done is utilise the good will of the citizens of Hyrule (and other places) in order to eventually save them… yeah about that…
3. HE USES PEOPLE
Link only ever speaks to people when it will benefit his quest. Now, sure, he’s going out to save the world, it hardly makes him selfish, right? Well, along the way he doesn’t mind whose life he ruins in order to finish tasks that gods or princesses set upon him. Big whoop, I’m the chosen one; now give me everything you own, I need to save this country.
Malon (yes, using OOT again) clearly has some digs for Link. I’m pretty confident that when Talon asks Link to marry her it was Malon that put him up to it. She helps Link get inside Hyrule Castle so he can meet Princess Zelda, all because she’s taken an interest in the “fairy boy”. What does Link do in return? Steal her favourite horse and never return it. Essentially, his thinking style is “Well, I saved your ranch from Ingo, the least you can do is let me keep this horse… the one you bred and took care of for years, the one that I only managed to tame because of that song you taught me… yes I’m keeping it forever and taking it into the next game with me”.
His behaviour towards women only worsens though when he agrees to marry Ruto just so he can take her precious family jewel. She has her heart set on marrying him and what does he do? He just never speaks to her again. When he sees her inside the Water Temple his immediate instinct is to be disgusted at the thought of marrying her, even though she is in love with him.
It only gets worse. His one childhood friend, Saria, is the one person who didn’t torment him for being fairy-less in the forest throughout his life as a Kokiri. When Link has to leave, she presents him with her most treasured possession, her pink ocarina. However, as soon as he obtains the Ocarina of Time from Zelda, the pink instrument is just cast aside and never mentioned again. Saria’s gift to him is just thrown in that moat and probably pissed on by Ganondorf’s minions when they overthrow Castle Town.
Everything he does is just to advance his quest. When he learns the song of storms from the man in the windmill, he also learns that that exact song ruined his entire life… so what does he do? He travels back in time, plays the song, and ruins the guy’s life anyway just so he can advance his quest. Link does not care about collateral damage. In MM, he is given the ability to - quite literally - embody dead people, through the Deku, Goron and Zora masks. He could pass on their final wishes or at least talk to the people they’ve left behind. Instead he just uses his new abilities to obtain more masks and free the giants, which he’s only doing to find Navi, not save Termina from the falling moon. His only concern is his adventure, look how little he cares about your problems.
Link only ever speaks to people when it will benefit his quest. Now, sure, he’s going out to save the world, it hardly makes him selfish, right? Well, along the way he doesn’t mind whose life he ruins in order to finish tasks that gods or princesses set upon him. Big whoop, I’m the chosen one; now give me everything you own, I need to save this country.
Malon (yes, using OOT again) clearly has some digs for Link. I’m pretty confident that when Talon asks Link to marry her it was Malon that put him up to it. She helps Link get inside Hyrule Castle so he can meet Princess Zelda, all because she’s taken an interest in the “fairy boy”. What does Link do in return? Steal her favourite horse and never return it. Essentially, his thinking style is “Well, I saved your ranch from Ingo, the least you can do is let me keep this horse… the one you bred and took care of for years, the one that I only managed to tame because of that song you taught me… yes I’m keeping it forever and taking it into the next game with me”.
His behaviour towards women only worsens though when he agrees to marry Ruto just so he can take her precious family jewel. She has her heart set on marrying him and what does he do? He just never speaks to her again. When he sees her inside the Water Temple his immediate instinct is to be disgusted at the thought of marrying her, even though she is in love with him.
It only gets worse. His one childhood friend, Saria, is the one person who didn’t torment him for being fairy-less in the forest throughout his life as a Kokiri. When Link has to leave, she presents him with her most treasured possession, her pink ocarina. However, as soon as he obtains the Ocarina of Time from Zelda, the pink instrument is just cast aside and never mentioned again. Saria’s gift to him is just thrown in that moat and probably pissed on by Ganondorf’s minions when they overthrow Castle Town.
Everything he does is just to advance his quest. When he learns the song of storms from the man in the windmill, he also learns that that exact song ruined his entire life… so what does he do? He travels back in time, plays the song, and ruins the guy’s life anyway just so he can advance his quest. Link does not care about collateral damage. In MM, he is given the ability to - quite literally - embody dead people, through the Deku, Goron and Zora masks. He could pass on their final wishes or at least talk to the people they’ve left behind. Instead he just uses his new abilities to obtain more masks and free the giants, which he’s only doing to find Navi, not save Termina from the falling moon. His only concern is his adventure, look how little he cares about your problems.
Will I get some sort of item or treasure out of this? If not, please tell somebody who cares. Speaking of treasure…
2. HE ENSLAVES FAIRIES
In The Wind Waker (and every other game for that matter), Link can bottle a fairy, which will then resurrect him should be perish at the hands of the thousands of monsters that want his blood. However, in WW said fairies actually look like little humans, which makes it a million times worse when you smash a pot, find a trapped fairy and then proceed to stash that poor thing in a bottle like a prisoner. Link will then only free her when he needs healing.
In near enough every game, it’s possible to come across a Fairy Fountain, where hundreds of fairies live in peace and do literally nothing to the world other than stay out of the way. Link swoops in, kidnaps them from their homes and just waits till the time is right to utilise their mystical powers. Then they’re realised into the wild, thousands of miles away from their homes, left to fend for themselves where they’re likely going to be slaughtered by the gigantic beasts that roam the country. I mean look at them, how can they fight back?
Yet if you think screwing with people’s and fairy’s lives was bad, then you’ll kick yourself for not remembering that…
In The Wind Waker (and every other game for that matter), Link can bottle a fairy, which will then resurrect him should be perish at the hands of the thousands of monsters that want his blood. However, in WW said fairies actually look like little humans, which makes it a million times worse when you smash a pot, find a trapped fairy and then proceed to stash that poor thing in a bottle like a prisoner. Link will then only free her when he needs healing.
In near enough every game, it’s possible to come across a Fairy Fountain, where hundreds of fairies live in peace and do literally nothing to the world other than stay out of the way. Link swoops in, kidnaps them from their homes and just waits till the time is right to utilise their mystical powers. Then they’re realised into the wild, thousands of miles away from their homes, left to fend for themselves where they’re likely going to be slaughtered by the gigantic beasts that roam the country. I mean look at them, how can they fight back?
Yet if you think screwing with people’s and fairy’s lives was bad, then you’ll kick yourself for not remembering that…
1. HE SCREWS UP THE PASSAGE OF TIME
OOT is remembered as the game that created the split timeline theory. When you finish the game, there are 3 different timelines created based on the outcome of the game, which has led to several different universes for the new (and old) Zelda games to take place within. Bear with me, the following brief explanation of the timelines might hurt your head… also spoilers.
Timeline A is created when, at the end of OOT, Link defeats Ganon and continues his life as an adult. Following this timeline are the events of The Wind Waker, Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks. Timeline B is created when Zelda sends Link back in time at the end of OOT so he can live out the childhood years he lost out on when he became the Hero of Time. When he meets Zelda, he warns her of Ganon’s master plan and the palace arrests him. Following this timeline are the events of Twilight Princess and Majora’s Mask. Timeline C is an alternate continuity that is created in which Link is defeated by Ganondorf at the end of OOT. Following this timeline are the events of A Link to the Past and many others.
Do you know why this happens? Because Link leads Ganondorf into the Sacred Realm, where he steals the Triforce, obtains ultimate power and overthrows Hyrule… all whilst Link is trapped inside the Temple of Time because he’s too young to wield the goddamn Master Sword.
OOT is remembered as the game that created the split timeline theory. When you finish the game, there are 3 different timelines created based on the outcome of the game, which has led to several different universes for the new (and old) Zelda games to take place within. Bear with me, the following brief explanation of the timelines might hurt your head… also spoilers.
Timeline A is created when, at the end of OOT, Link defeats Ganon and continues his life as an adult. Following this timeline are the events of The Wind Waker, Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks. Timeline B is created when Zelda sends Link back in time at the end of OOT so he can live out the childhood years he lost out on when he became the Hero of Time. When he meets Zelda, he warns her of Ganon’s master plan and the palace arrests him. Following this timeline are the events of Twilight Princess and Majora’s Mask. Timeline C is an alternate continuity that is created in which Link is defeated by Ganondorf at the end of OOT. Following this timeline are the events of A Link to the Past and many others.
Do you know why this happens? Because Link leads Ganondorf into the Sacred Realm, where he steals the Triforce, obtains ultimate power and overthrows Hyrule… all whilst Link is trapped inside the Temple of Time because he’s too young to wield the goddamn Master Sword.
When Link finally defeats Ganon in the remains of Hyrule Castle, he is given the chance to go back in time and live out the 7 years he missed out on when his spirit was contained in the Sacred Realm. Now as a true hero, he should sacrifice those years. By sacrificing those years he prevents the creation of those two separate timelines (B and C). This means that time itself won’t be further ruined.
But Tom, he goes back to warn the people of Hyrule about Ganondorf and save their lives. Yes, correct, he does save their lives… in an alternate universe. The people in Timeline A, which is the original universe, are still dead. He literally creates alternative universes just so that he can have a childhood, which is ruined anyway by the Deku Tree Sprout when he discovers that his mother is dead and that he’s adopted. Maybe I’m asking a lot of him to sacrifice 7 years of his life, but remember that he’s ruining time… literally. Yet when it’s all said and done, he might be a terrible hero, but damn it he’s a badass.
But Tom, he goes back to warn the people of Hyrule about Ganondorf and save their lives. Yes, correct, he does save their lives… in an alternate universe. The people in Timeline A, which is the original universe, are still dead. He literally creates alternative universes just so that he can have a childhood, which is ruined anyway by the Deku Tree Sprout when he discovers that his mother is dead and that he’s adopted. Maybe I’m asking a lot of him to sacrifice 7 years of his life, but remember that he’s ruining time… literally. Yet when it’s all said and done, he might be a terrible hero, but damn it he’s a badass.
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