Welcome to one of the hardest articles I’ve written so far, how to be fair to a film that I’ve already made my mind up on? I am of course talking the film adaption of “sexiest” book of all time, Fifty Shades of Grey. Now, surprise surprise, I have never read the books, but I know the main bulk of the story. When Anastasia “Ana” Steele goes to interview the wealthy Christian Grey, she becomes infatuated by him and tries to get close to him. After the two fall for each other, they start engaging in a sexual relationship, but only under his terms. This story is so clichéd, when it comes to erotic novels, I am so surprised by how this has become such a huge worldwide hit. According to the people I have spoken to, I know who have read it (which by the way is one of the most awkward conversations I have ever had) the sex is very risqué and not for the weak hearted (Ed: It's very abusive and not for anyone).
But I have also had those same people tell me that if you took out all the S&M bondage, the book would be, actually, very boring. So it seems like Fifty Shades is selling the film on the sex alone.
Oh, and Jamie Dornan's body.
One guy who is already a sex symbol is Jamie Dornan, but he wasn’t the studio’s first choice for the role of Christian Grey. The studio originally wanted Ryan Gosling, but he wasn’t interested, Garrett Hedlund couldn’t connect with the character as neither could Stephen Amell. But then came along Charlie Hunnam confirmed as Mr. Grey but after a month and finally reading the script, Charlie dropped out due to “commitment issues”. Two weeks later Jamie Dornan was casted. Due to the fact that Charlie quit the film after reading the script proves two things; One, Charlie will sign onto anything before reading the script; and two, is the script really that bad in bed? But back to Jamie and I think them casting Dornan instead is a much better decision. While Charlie has his loyal fanbase of obsessive stalkers, he did lose some credibility after Pacific Rim (Ed: LIES!). And Dornan has a loyal fanbase but has critical love from TV show The Fall. Dornan also fits the role better, physically; you can see him as a wealthy playboy and is also a better fit with Dakota Johnson. But are the two of them strong enough to carry this franchise?
While the two do have strong fanbases, mainstream audiences don’t really know who Jamie and Dakota really are. I didn’t who Jamie was until I goggled him and I did confuse Dakota Johnson with Ashley Johnson, which if they went that way really would have ruined The Last of Us for me.
And let’s not forget the massive backlash that the Fifty Shades of Grey series has against it. For a start, the inaccurate representation of BDSM which sees Grey’s overbearing control of Ana portrayed as “kinky” and not in the least bit worrying or abusive (because it is worrying and abusive). Not to mention the entirely unsafe bondage that they use including rope. If Taylor had wits about her, she’ll strip away and start again, building more of a loving exploration rather than a suited issued man who takes his difficult childhood out on his lover, whilst trying to make us swoon over him. But like one of our writers said; "you can only build shit out of shit."
So will Fifty Shades of Grey satisfy our senses or fail to rise to the occasion? It’s tough to tell, from an analytical standpoint, this shouldn’t work. The cast doesn’t have enough star power, the director is more famous for her relationship than her work, plus Rita Ora is trying to act in it. But it will all come down to the audience; will the fans of the books actually show up for a visual representation of their sex bible? I feel like if you go to the cinema and go “I’ll have a ticket for Fifty Shades please”, you are kind of admitting that you are a bit of a pervert.
Whether you are watching Fifty Shades of Grey on your own or with a loved one, get ready for one of the most awkward Valentine’s Day ever.