And then this tripe came out!
So we've put our heads together and come up with some of the worst films of 2014. Is your least favourite here?
Christmas films are difficult films to make well. Unfortunately filmmakers seem to treat quality as optional way more than other film genres. That doesn’t mean to say there aren’t any good Christmas films - I’m With Geek have discussed several good Christmas films over the winter. However, the pick for the worst film of 2014 is pinned on this Christmas film reviewed earlier in the month: Get Santa.
The plot is pretty simple but it also contains ridiculous elements too: a father and son end up trying to assist Santa whose crashed his sleigh and ended up stuck in prison for trying to break into Battersea Dogs Home. If only that was the end of the stupidity. Idiot contrivances, a heavy reliance on constant fart humour for comedy and a complete lack of subtlety really bogs down the film not to mention the image of Jim Broadbent as Santa Claus with small, thin platts in his hair and beard trying to act like a tough guy after a prison-style makeover is about as silly as it sounds. Whilst there are decent elements in the film, it doesn’t compensate for the shortcomings. It is definitely the worst film to come out in 2014.
Check out the full review for Get Santa here on I’m With Geek!
I’m going to kick this off with an admission; I haven’t seen the original RoboCop. I know, shock horror right? So why I chose to waste my hard earned money on this hollow reboot I’ll never know.
To be honest, RoboCop epitomises the problems with Hollywood at the moment. It’s shameless; a heartless cash in populated by famous faces who turned up just for a cheque (no, really... Gary Oldman admitted it!). It’s not art, and calling it entertainment would be an undeserved compliment. It’s dull, daft and lacking any sort of memorable moment or character. Hell, there’s almost no action for that matter! In short, it’s exactly the kind of film that’s churned out near the beginning of the year to plug the gap in between the winter and summer heavy-hitter seasons.
It’s a laborious lesson in ethics that’s forced upon audiences. It thinks it’s grander than it is, it would love to be a Blade Runner for a new generation but it couldn’t be further from it. This was marketed as an out-and-out shoot ‘em up with a bit of soul. As it turns out, it’s all soul, or at least one fatigue-ridden question about playing God anyway. It’s a boring philosophical assault, and nobody turned up for that.
Check out the full review of RoboCop here on I'm With Geek
Never in my life have I walked out of a screening. And you are talking to a girl who has sat through Spring Breakers and The Counsellor where, both times, I could literally feel the brain seeping out of my head. Dracula Untold was the kind of film that you’d expect to be bad anyway. Like a medieval romp similar to I, Frankenstein. I went in with a pinch of salt (or, well, garlic) wanting to be titillated by the scenery and period costume as well as watching some bloody vampires kick each other’s arses with some hammy dialogue that I’ll love entirely.
Except I went in to this movie equivalent of an 1000 year old vampires arsehole and unfortunately, had to eject myself before I was covered in even more terrible cinematic diarrhoea. Dracula Untold is easily the most vapid and torturous film I have seen in. I actually feel like I’ve wasted an hour of my life biting into moronic and downright insulting piece of cinema which rarely happens (because, even bad movies, can teach you something).
Dracula Untold is racist, making the Turks seem like these pantomime villains with Dominic Cooper’s leery performance as the Sultan. Then it whitewashes the rest of them. Luke Evans is completely boring as well and gurns his way through the performance as though The Bard took acid half way through The Hobbit and started hallucinating. Which brings us to the special effects that were so overblown that it’s like all sense and reason went out the window the minute someone decided to swing a sword and reflect this hazy battle on it. Squirming in your seats, Dracula Untold is the most uncomfortable movie to come out this year.
And I’m pretty glad I chose my pumpkin spiced latte instead and watched Gone Girl again.
Transformers: Age of Extinction
I’m very picky about what films I go to see. I go to films that either have a great review; someone I like is in it or has a great premise. Transformers: Age of Extinction does not fit into any of these categories. I only saw this film because I’m With Geek had a ticket and seeing it would possibly help with my Michael Bay rant article. While it helped with article, it allowed me to see the continuing problems of both Michael Bay and the Transformers franchise. But Age of Extinction annoys me so much more than all of the past Transformers films combined.
For starters, it’s way too bloody long at nearly three hours, because for some insane reason they up and move the film to China. Why?! There is no logical reason for the story to go there. Next you have the God-awful characters, you don’t care about any of them and some of them don’t make sense. What I mean about that is that they make decisions that the audience doesn’t believe, for example, Mark Wahlberg’s character is suppose to be an inventor (which you can’t just buy) and at the end of the film, he kills someone. I’m sorry but I’ve never heard stories of Thomas Edison killing someone by throwing them off a building.
But what annoys me most about Age of Extinction is the Dinobots. They were a huge part of advertising campaign and the only reason I was remotely interested in the film and they only show up for 10 minutes. 10 minutes? 10 minutes! TEN FUCKING MINUTES! If there is one thing you do not do is say you are going to have one of the best elements of Transformers and not fucking use them properly! (This shows you how angry this film makes me, I’ve broken my censorship in articles rule)
Transformers: Age of Extinction is my worst film of 2014 because it annoys me to no ends, but what really annoys me is we all know the films are bad and yet we still go to see the bloody thing. Age of Extinction is the highest grossing film of this year, the only film to make over a billion dollars and made over 250 million dollars more than the second placed film. Why? Just… WHY!?
Check out Sean's full rant at Michael Bay only at I'm With Geek!
2014 was not a perfect year, there were bad films all over the place. The Robocop remake sucked balls, The Monuments Men was enough to send audiences to sleep, Ride Along was shockingly bad and The Other Woman is not even worth mentioning. But THIS FILM!
This is something else entirely.
This is what bad dreams are made of. This.....is Vampire Academy. My blood boils talking about it, because Vampire Academy is more putrid than any other turd released this year. A satirical fantasy-horror (Satirical my arse), it tells the story of Rose, a half human, half vampire who must protect her species from evil, immortal vampires, the Strigoi.
The film supposedly makes fun of the tropes of vampire films, in a sort of “Twilight-meets-Mean Girls” fashion. No, no it doesn’t. It EMBODIES those tropes, and does them ten times worse than Twilight ever did. I wondered the other day why I don’t hear as much hate for this film as Twilight, and it dawned on me: People who saw Twilight think this is the same thing, and avoided it. Good on them, they made the right choice, but it needs to be said that this isn’t Twilight; Twilight is the best vampire film ever made compared to this horribly written, phenomenally boring, embarrassingly acted, hugely un-atmospheric and laughably bad attempt at film making. Vampire Academy isn’t just the worst movie of 2014, it’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life (And the fact that it’s sequel got cancelled is actually hilarious).
Check out our full review of Vampire Academy now!
What Do You Think?
What did you hate?
Is there something sorely missing on this list?