Well, this shouldn’t take too long.
Piranha 3D is quite possibly the worst piece of garbage ever committed to cinema. The only redeeming quality is that it ends, not well mind you, but an ending nonetheless.
The film was produced solely to try and sell 3D to the masses, and it failed. Instead, the producers and writers obviously decided to throw all the money they were given for the production towards boobs, blood and bad scripting. After deciding that the 3D element would be given over entirely to showing dismembered penises and breasts, everyone apparently decided to celebrate with as much alcohol as possible. Then they turned up for filming the next day whilst suffering the biggest hangover since the aftermath of Sodom and Gomorrah. That is the only conclusion I can come to as to how this film came to be.
Naturally, this film is called Piranha, so obviously the entire film would be rather missing the point if they didn’t show up during the proceedings. An underwater fissure opens up and spews the man-eating little blighters out into the lakes. The story that follows is the plot for Jaws, but weaker and with more fish. Forester gets trapped on a sinking boat right in the middle of it all, along with his younger brother and sister, the girl he fancies, two porn stars and the director and cameraman for a Girls Gone Wild site. The director is also the biggest prat known to mankind. With every other word out of his mouth being either a swearword, sexual position/terminology or how big of a narcissistic little tit he is. Seriously, his last words in the film are “wet t-shirt” (also, he gets his penis eaten by the fish, and we are shown a delightful shot of a shoddily rendered CG cock getting mauled as it sinks to the lake bed).
All in all, Piranha 3D was an unnecessary remake of a parody, done for the flimsiest excuses possible. I dread to think what the sequel is like....