To say I was excited for Jupiter Ascending would be an understatement. Seemingly the only one frothing at the mouth to get her hands on The Wachoski Sibling’s latest space romp, it appeared that my titillation for the film was a lonely place to be. But sitting in a screening, the IMAX prepped to meet that level of enthusiasm, I was sure enough in for a ride – perhaps not the one I was expecting. Within minutes of the movie, the audience was overcome with clichés, stifled acting and a tragedy so cheesy that a man behind me groaned loudly. From that moment on, I knew that the film was going to be awful and strained.
And I was going to love every minute of it.
To celebrate the release of Jupiter Ascending, the story of a toiler cleaner who discovers that she is the reincarnation of a Queen and actually rules Earth, here’s the most bat-shit insane moments from the film. I promise you, you won’t be disappointed.
Honourable Mention: One of the extras has an inexplicable floppy elephant face for no reason whatsoever.
Monty Python's Boring Cameo
And They Call It Puppy Love
But yet – she is humble enough to become best friends with Toilet Duck and Flash instead of taking her rightful place, despite super-mega-loathing her life beforehand. Yes. It makes zero sense.
"Oh God, not the BEES!
The Theory of Over-Acting
It’s truly a remarkably entertaining performance added to an over the top lavish film that makes it glorious in all its awfulness. I can predict that Jupiter Ascending will have the same cult following as The Room. Though, I’d advise against bringing bees into the screening.