Oh the cinema. It’s like my second home. Never do I feel as great as I do in a cinema. The smell, the atmosphere, the movie in front of me, the food in my belly and the people on either side of me. Going to the cinema is an experience to be enjoyed. Granted, you may not always like the film, but screw it, never let it bring you down!
I am here to guide you through the best way to watch films at the cinema. Or at least, what I believe to be the best way. So before we start...
My friends, surely you must know how annoying it is to walk into a cinema cramped full of people and then awkwardly make your way to your seat (or A seat... Let’s face it, no one sits where the ticket says), having to brush past everyone and the same happening to you when you sit down. It’s annoying. However, it can easily be avoided. As soon as the new blockbuster comes out (for example, Iron Man 3), wait a week until you watch it. Sure, you’ll have to dodge spoilers like a ninja but if you leave it a week, everyone else would’ve seen the film, and therefore when you get there there’ll be seats galore free as only a handful of people come to see it (or, if you’re lucky, no one at all). Also, you’re less likely to get annoyed by people opening or rustling their popcorn and even better, you don’t feel awkward when you open or rustle your own popcorn.
Now you can watch the film in peace without someone’s arse squishing past your face as they get to their seat.
So the date you watch the film is sorted, now you must decide what treats to munch on. Watching a film isn’t the same with an empty belly, especially in the cinema. Eating is pretty much part of the cinema experience, and I dare you to name me anyone who doesn’t. Now, whilst I am a fan of nachos and hot dogs as I’m sure many people like to eat, I’m one of many who do not like to pay the ridiculous prices for the food there. Me, I like to nip into a Poundworld for my stuff. Everyone has their personal favourites to shove down their gobs but for me, here are the 3 things I never enter a cinema without:
Popcorn – Eating popcorn with a film is a tale as old as time. It’s the first thing we think about when we think of cinemas, and I for one am happy to reinforce that tale. Doesn’t matter where you get it from – Cinema, shop, homemade etc. – and it doesn’t matter what flavour – Salt, sweet, toffee etc. – as long as you got a bucket of the crunchy stuff on your lap, everything’s good. I myself grab a bag of popcorn from a stall inside the shopping centre my cinema is next to. £1 for a small bag, and they put tons in there. It’s £5 cheaper than the cinema, and 5 times tastier!
Mountain Dew – Fantas good, Pepsi is better, but Mountain Dew – Unbeatable. Easily the most thirst quenching drink I’ve ever tried (other than water, obviously), Mountain Dew has a funky taste that neither I nor anyone I know can define. It’s unique, and it’s incredible how well it quenches your thirst. With a normal Pepsi, I’ve usually drunk it all by half way through the film. But once, I took two large cans of Mountain Dew to see Hugo, a 2 hour and 7 minute movie, and at the end I realised that I had only drank half a can. Amazing.
Your belly’s happy, your eyes are happy, now it’s time to make your arse happy (don’t try that at home... Dear Lord). Now, the problem with my previous point is that the screen is rather wide, which means depending on your seat, you could find yourself having to look back and forth across the screen to make sure you’re seeing everything, and sitting at the front means you may have to crane your neck upwards, which your neck will NOT appreciate (I had to watch Sucker Punch like that... I don’t care how gorgeous those girls are, it still wasn’t worth it). Well my friends I have 2 words for you: Aisle seats. Yes, aisle seats. Anyone who follows Mark Kermode will know that he always sits on the last aisle seat on the left. You’re straight down the middle, and everything is in view. So all you have to do is sit back and enjoy!
I really don’t understand how some people can go to the cinema alone. It confuses me. To quote the stupid anti piracy advert that plays before the film starts, going to the cinema is ‘an experience shared’. Going out with your friends is great; it’s great to know that someone is sharing this enjoyment with you. It’s great to have friends that you can make jokes about the film with. It’s great to have a girlfriend to bury into your shoulder when you see a scary film (or stroke your hand when you watch a romance...) and it’s great to have people with you full stop. Laugh with them, cry with them, just have a good time. Maybe get something to eat afterwards and talk about the film, or browse your favourite shops. The point is you could never have that much fun by yourself. Going to the cinema alone is just watching a film. Going to the cinema with people is an experience.
And there you have it ladies and gents, that is my guide to perfect cinema viewing. Use it wisely, and furthermore, have fun!
Do you have any specifications when you go to the cinema? Whether it be the food you eat, place you sit etc. Let us know in the comments below!