By Georgia Thompson
You wake on a gurney in an abandoned hospital or find yourself trapped in an ‘empty’ mall. However it begins, there's one sure thing about the zombie apocalypse. If you want to survive, you're going to have to fight. So here's the big question - what is the ultimate zombie-fighting weapon? We've seen them fought in all kinds of realities, with all sorts of weapons, by all sorts of people. Dawn of the Dead, The Walking Dead, Dead Rising... anything with dead in the title. The gist is always the same. They're reanimated corpses, they hunger for human flesh, and your best bet is to smack them upside the head. (Or brain, more specifically).
You wake on a gurney in an abandoned hospital or find yourself trapped in an ‘empty’ mall. However it begins, there's one sure thing about the zombie apocalypse. If you want to survive, you're going to have to fight. So here's the big question - what is the ultimate zombie-fighting weapon? We've seen them fought in all kinds of realities, with all sorts of weapons, by all sorts of people. Dawn of the Dead, The Walking Dead, Dead Rising... anything with dead in the title. The gist is always the same. They're reanimated corpses, they hunger for human flesh, and your best bet is to smack them upside the head. (Or brain, more specifically).
JUMPING THE GUN
You may instinctively jump the gun, and jump straight to gun. Here's why you're wrong; guns require - say it with me - BULLETS. Unless you're in some sort of redneck town where everyone and their mums is packing heat, there isn't gonna be too much ammo to hand.
With the majority of us having never fired, or even held a gun, chances are we aren't going to know where to find the rounds. And as helpful as it is in games, it's not probable that you'll stumble across a glowing, floating box of bullets on your travels. So the gun is a big no-no, unless of course you have a gun for a leg that never seems to run out of ammo. That could be pretty helpful.
The problem then being, what has the effectiveness of a gun, but without the swift depletion rate?
You may instinctively jump the gun, and jump straight to gun. Here's why you're wrong; guns require - say it with me - BULLETS. Unless you're in some sort of redneck town where everyone and their mums is packing heat, there isn't gonna be too much ammo to hand.
With the majority of us having never fired, or even held a gun, chances are we aren't going to know where to find the rounds. And as helpful as it is in games, it's not probable that you'll stumble across a glowing, floating box of bullets on your travels. So the gun is a big no-no, unless of course you have a gun for a leg that never seems to run out of ammo. That could be pretty helpful.
The problem then being, what has the effectiveness of a gun, but without the swift depletion rate?
GUNS FOR SHOW, KNIVES FOR A PRO
Knives are good, 'cause they're quiet. We have seen this in The Walking Dead. The ruling is not to attract more of their fiends with a loud gunshot. No. Knives are quiet, and they can get the job done subtly.
However, that's only really helpful if there's one or two of the things. It's tough to be quick with a knife without prior sushi chef training. And you do have to get quite close to something in order to stab it in the head. So knives... maybe not.
Knives are good, 'cause they're quiet. We have seen this in The Walking Dead. The ruling is not to attract more of their fiends with a loud gunshot. No. Knives are quiet, and they can get the job done subtly.
However, that's only really helpful if there's one or two of the things. It's tough to be quick with a knife without prior sushi chef training. And you do have to get quite close to something in order to stab it in the head. So knives... maybe not.
I WANT TO SET THOSE PEOPLE ON FIRE OVER THERE, BUT I'M JUST NOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO GET THE JOB DONE
Flamethrowers are cool. But when you're about to get eaten and turned into a flesh-sucking monster, the last thing you want is for that flesh-sucking monster to be on fire.
You might think it's effective, but really consider it. Do zombies feel pain? And even if they do, will it stop them coming after you? It'll take a good few minutes for that flame to burn down to brain matter. You're talking about serious exacerbation, here. Also, walking around with a tank of gas on your back is PROBABLY not a great idea when you're running around with other people toting weapons. And of course, you'll need to fill that death backpack up. Depletable death trap.
Flamethrowers are cool. But when you're about to get eaten and turned into a flesh-sucking monster, the last thing you want is for that flesh-sucking monster to be on fire.
You might think it's effective, but really consider it. Do zombies feel pain? And even if they do, will it stop them coming after you? It'll take a good few minutes for that flame to burn down to brain matter. You're talking about serious exacerbation, here. Also, walking around with a tank of gas on your back is PROBABLY not a great idea when you're running around with other people toting weapons. And of course, you'll need to fill that death backpack up. Depletable death trap.
WHAT'S IN THE SHED?
Big, heavy, blunt objects. You throw them, they cause damage. You hit something with them, they cause damaged. Any blunt weapon, like a baseball bat or a spade, could come in handy. The problem here is, you have to be fairly strong to handle your average spade, let alone swing it at head height. Not helpful if, like me, you're headed toward the apocalypse as a weedy girl. No one got bad ass overnight, y'know.
Big, heavy, blunt objects. You throw them, they cause damage. You hit something with them, they cause damaged. Any blunt weapon, like a baseball bat or a spade, could come in handy. The problem here is, you have to be fairly strong to handle your average spade, let alone swing it at head height. Not helpful if, like me, you're headed toward the apocalypse as a weedy girl. No one got bad ass overnight, y'know.
FORE!
This is actually pretty useful in Dead Rising - the golf club. The logic here is that, if you have a good swing, you can hit other heavy objects at zombies from far away. Introducing the long craved range to the situation. Sure, it isn't as stealthy as a sniper rifle, but it could work right?
Okay so it's not likely. But you get a heavy enough club on you and it's a pretty good head basher-inner.
This is actually pretty useful in Dead Rising - the golf club. The logic here is that, if you have a good swing, you can hit other heavy objects at zombies from far away. Introducing the long craved range to the situation. Sure, it isn't as stealthy as a sniper rifle, but it could work right?
Okay so it's not likely. But you get a heavy enough club on you and it's a pretty good head basher-inner.
CROSSBOW
Daryl favours a crossbow in The Walking Dead. Sheldon has one in his emergency kit in The Big Bang Theory. And to be honest, I'm not one to question Sheldon when it comes to zombie preparation. So lets think about it.
The ammo is reusable - so it won't deplete. Ever. It's also got a pretty decent range, and with minimal effort and a little aim, you can hit a brain through a skull from a good distance away. And equally as effective on bandits! Pretty nifty, no?
There are a couple of problems though. The good range and the reusable ammo are not compatible. Once you've used all your arrows, you need to go into the danger zone to retrieve them from a zombie's face. And how safe can that be when it's infected? You're putting yourself in more danger to get the thing that ideally keeps you out of danger. Tricky, that one. But not impossible.
Then there's the big problem. These things take a good 5-10 seconds to load at best. And to do so, you have to aim it down. Your guard is down, your attention is drawn. That's not the weapon you want in an ambush.
Daryl favours a crossbow in The Walking Dead. Sheldon has one in his emergency kit in The Big Bang Theory. And to be honest, I'm not one to question Sheldon when it comes to zombie preparation. So lets think about it.
The ammo is reusable - so it won't deplete. Ever. It's also got a pretty decent range, and with minimal effort and a little aim, you can hit a brain through a skull from a good distance away. And equally as effective on bandits! Pretty nifty, no?
There are a couple of problems though. The good range and the reusable ammo are not compatible. Once you've used all your arrows, you need to go into the danger zone to retrieve them from a zombie's face. And how safe can that be when it's infected? You're putting yourself in more danger to get the thing that ideally keeps you out of danger. Tricky, that one. But not impossible.
Then there's the big problem. These things take a good 5-10 seconds to load at best. And to do so, you have to aim it down. Your guard is down, your attention is drawn. That's not the weapon you want in an ambush.
SWORDS HOWEVER, NEVER GET TIRED
Katana. The samurai sword. You're all thinking it. But why jump to Katana? It's single edged, doofus. Go for a real sword and you might be in with a chance. You just need to, you know... learn how to handle it and develop the athletic ability to carry it, swing it, stab with it...
Ok it's melee, and if you get a long one the reach isn't bad. You don't need to reload it, you can strap it on your back, all in all it's the best of a bad bunch.
Me, I'd choose a crossbow. But that's because I can't think of anything that would look as cool as a crossbow. And that's why I won't be surviving the next zombie apocalypse.
What do you think? What's your weapon of choice? I'll leave you with this Zombie-killing compilation whilst you decide?
Katana. The samurai sword. You're all thinking it. But why jump to Katana? It's single edged, doofus. Go for a real sword and you might be in with a chance. You just need to, you know... learn how to handle it and develop the athletic ability to carry it, swing it, stab with it...
Ok it's melee, and if you get a long one the reach isn't bad. You don't need to reload it, you can strap it on your back, all in all it's the best of a bad bunch.
Me, I'd choose a crossbow. But that's because I can't think of anything that would look as cool as a crossbow. And that's why I won't be surviving the next zombie apocalypse.
What do you think? What's your weapon of choice? I'll leave you with this Zombie-killing compilation whilst you decide?
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