by Gloria Daniels-Moss
If one were to judge this film by its poster – it would be very wise. The artwork encompasses a somewhat satirical image of what appears to be a blow-up-doll with a knife held to its throat. The films tagline, “Who says the virgin always lives ‘til the end?” also fills one with doubt before sitting through this supposedly comedic horror flick.
If one were to judge this film by its poster – it would be very wise. The artwork encompasses a somewhat satirical image of what appears to be a blow-up-doll with a knife held to its throat. The films tagline, “Who says the virgin always lives ‘til the end?” also fills one with doubt before sitting through this supposedly comedic horror flick.
Chastity Bites is in a way a rite of passage for both the director and writer themselves. It is painfully obvious that this John V .Knowles directorial debut and, unfortunately, the contribution from his wife Lotti Pharriss Knowles as writer didn’t help them gracefully lose their filmmaking virginity together. From the get go, you know this is a Scary Movie meet’s every single American high school drama that so easily gets placed in the pile of clichéd material made for moody teenagers. Invariably the whole horror, comedy cocktail mixes rather well, but once in a while like most genres there is always one that completely misses the mark. There is no doubt about it, Chastity Bites falls into that category resulting in a film that is neither funny nor scary at all.
The main inspiration and the aspect deemed worthy of your attention is the adapted storyline of Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Said to be one of the most prolific serial killers in history, this Hungarian aristocrat was said to have murdered over 600 young women from less fortunate backgrounds than herself. Such vampiric accusations as saying she believed bathing in the blood of her victims would maintain her youth are assumed to be unreliable facts, albeit obviously the most exciting to base a story on. Chastity Bites, is not the first film to be based on the Countess and compared to the power houses Anna Friel (Bathory: Countess of Blood, 2008) and Julie Delpy (The Countess, 2009) Louise Griffiths may look the part but fails to deliver a nothing other than a sex and blood crazed maniac to our screens.
The main inspiration and the aspect deemed worthy of your attention is the adapted storyline of Countess Elizabeth Bathory. Said to be one of the most prolific serial killers in history, this Hungarian aristocrat was said to have murdered over 600 young women from less fortunate backgrounds than herself. Such vampiric accusations as saying she believed bathing in the blood of her victims would maintain her youth are assumed to be unreliable facts, albeit obviously the most exciting to base a story on. Chastity Bites, is not the first film to be based on the Countess and compared to the power houses Anna Friel (Bathory: Countess of Blood, 2008) and Julie Delpy (The Countess, 2009) Louise Griffiths may look the part but fails to deliver a nothing other than a sex and blood crazed maniac to our screens.
The films one saving grace comes in the form of Warehouse 13’s Allison Scagliotti. As the geeky feminist heroine Leah whilst following this arduous plot, she saves to day and attempts to expose her as the crazed chastity preacher she really is. Perhaps this would have worked as a period piece, or a genuine horror feature. The post-modern slant that supposedly should revitalise an old tale simply didn’t work. The plotline of Elizabeth Bathory is in itself has enough substance to sustain a narrative, without bombarding the screen with painfully un-funny scripted lines in an attempt to make you laugh.
Sadly this film missed the mark on so many levels and illustrates just how vital it is to get that cross between genres spot on before making one that completely fails to do so. It was obvious what Chastity Bites was trying to achieve, however if you can deal with poor CGI, a predictable and formulaic plotline alongside some rather over the top acting, then this might work for you. Not the 80’s cult style slasher film that you would expect it to be.
Sadly this film missed the mark on so many levels and illustrates just how vital it is to get that cross between genres spot on before making one that completely fails to do so. It was obvious what Chastity Bites was trying to achieve, however if you can deal with poor CGI, a predictable and formulaic plotline alongside some rather over the top acting, then this might work for you. Not the 80’s cult style slasher film that you would expect it to be.
What Do You Think?
Chasity Bites is available to buy on iTunes now
The DVD will be available April 10th
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