Every Nicolas Cage film is going to be a unique experience, whether that is due to it being genuinely excellent, or so mind-bogglingly weird and awful that it becomes amazing again. Vampire’s Kiss falls into the latter category, a film so strange that it actually made me feel physically ill from both laughter and pain.
The vampire who attacks Cage is a one-night-stand who feeds on the club-hopping Cage, and continues to visit him for further feeding. If Cage isn’t in fact a vampire, is this a metaphor? Is Cage actually repeatedly hiring a prostitute and justifying it by claiming it’s a vampire attack? Literally anything could be going on here and it would make the same amount of sense.
And it is hilarious. Cage speaks in an odd half-American, half-British accent for no apparent reason, mugs to the camera, and his always unique hair is, this time, a terribly unflattering blond curtain over his face. Kudos must be given to Cage though, like all of his greatest TerriBrill efforts, he performs his role with a gusto it’s difficult to believe a human being can possess. It is this unrestricted passion that makes Vampire’s Kiss so hilarious and so enjoyable. In the hands of less bonkers actors, Vampire’s Kiss would have just been an awful film. With Cage, it transforms into some bizarre form of performance art.
What makes things even more funny is how little the other cast members are trying in comparison. It leaves Cage giving off the impression of the crazy, drunk uncle at a wedding, and the rest of the cast as his family shaking their heads in shame. But this only makes you love Cage more, despite the awful script and boring direction, his sheer insanity is infectious.
So throw on a black cape, slip in some plastic fangs and down a bottle of red wine, and bask in the glow of Nicolas Cage-based madness. Run through the streets proclaiming you are the undead. Construct yourself a coffin to sleep in. Embrace Cage’s delusion, because it looks like a lot of fun.