Procedure 345-122: Collection of Terran cell templates for ABW cloning program.
Theory and Rationale:
The Autonomous Bio Worker (ABW) is a foundational pillar of the intergalactic economy. ABWs are employed on every developed planet to perform manual labor functions unsuited to advanced entities. In order to replicate new bio-workers to replace those worn out, damaged, or destroyed in accidents, a steady supply of new template cells is required. Cells from primitive life forms the galaxy over are harvested for use in these cloning programs. This procedure applies only to cell harvesting of bipedal beings from the third planet in the VV55432 system, life forms known as “Earthlings” or “Terrans.”
Terrans, due to their medium size, excellent physical strength and dexterity, ease of programming interface (owing to a crude and easily accessed nervous system), and ability to tolerate varied environmental conditions, make excellent ABWs. With proper maintenance, Terran ABWs have been known to provide service for as long as 14 cycles. They are used in nearly all ABW applications including mining and mineral processing, sanitation, and food cultivation and processing, making them one of the most successful species ever harvested for the ABW program.
The procedures for template cell harvesting from other life forms approved for the ABW program can be found in procedures 345-1 through 345-2808.
- Personal Protective Equipment
- Vibrational pacifier
- Hover wand
- Exam table with disrobing/re-robing robot
- Anally inserted internal cell sampler
- Collection chamber with culture medium
- Restraining shroud (if necessary)
- Memory modification device
- Log matrix
1. The procedure begins when the acquisition team transports to your facility with an appropriate subject life form in their possession.
2. Next, sanitize your external appendages and don personal protective equipment (PPE).
3. Set the vibrational pacifier to the proper planetary system code.
4. Activate the vibrational pacifier. The vibrational pacifier will automatically tune itself to the subject’s brain frequencies and maintain the subject’s unconscious state during the procedure, which can produce extreme discomfort in Terran subjects. In the event the subject does retain or regain consciousness, manual adjustment of the pacifier may be required.
5. Using the hover stick, levitate the subject into a prone position above the exam table.
6. With the subject held in the hovering position, activate the disrobing robot. If the subject was taken while naturally disrobed, this step will not be necessary. NOTE: activation of some older model disrobing robots on a subject already disrobed can result in accidental injury to the subject as the robot may mistake the life form’s natural external covering for clothing and attempt to remove it. Errors of this nature may be extremely painful for the subject, time consuming and costly to correct, and can expose the technician to large quantities of hazardous internal fluids.
7. Lower the subject to the exam table, placing the subject life form in a front-lying position with subject’s braincase at one end of the table and primary locomotive appendages at the other.
9. The buttocks are composed of two large, fleshy, skin covered masses of muscle and fat. Between them lies the anus - the evacuation port through which Terrans expel waste produced in their nutritional intake/output cycle.
10. With your dominant appendage, grasp the handle of the anal sampling probe by the grip. Lubricate the probe tip. Ensure you are using a lubricant appropriate to the species as lubricants intended for one species may be harmful, poisonous, or even corrosive to another. Subject damage or termination from use of the incorrect lubricant is among the most commonly reported complications in the cell collection program and great care must be taken to insure against possible errors of this nature.
11. With your non-dominant hand, part the buttocks to expose the anus. Caution and proper PPE are vital at this step as Terrans may lose control of their evacuation processes resulting in the expulsion of solid or liquid waste products. These substances are to be considered extremely toxic and proper disposal procedures must be followed. NOTE: to some life-forms, the waste products of Terran digestion function as a stimulant to the pleasure center of the nervous system. The collection and distribution of such waste products has been banned by Central Council regulations and any technician found engaging in the collection or distribution of such substances will be appropriately disciplined.
12. With the buttocks parted, insert the probe tip into the anus. The locomotive hairs on the probe exterior will automatically engage, driving the probe into the anus and up the digestive tract. NOTE: knowledge of Terran anatomy is a crucial for the success of the collection. Terrans are a bi-gender race, the male possessing a reproductive projecting member, while the female possess a reproductive orifice located in close proximity to the anus. If gathering samples from a female, ensure probe tip insertion into the proper orifice. Inserting the probe into the female reproductive orifice instead of the anus will lead to an improper cell sampling and potential damage to the subject life form.
13. As the probe tip inserts itself, remain alert - at this stage of the procedure Terrans have been known to regain partial consciousness and express distress. Expressions of distress may include loud vocalizations, frantic waving of external appendages, and extreme facial contortion. If necessary, increase the intensity of the pacifier or, in extreme cases, deploy a restraining shroud.
14. After probe-tip insertion, feed the entire length of the probe into the subject’s anus, applying firm pressure to ensure proper insertion of the thicker portions. The probe will automatically branch out through the subject’s body and sample cells from every major body system.
16. Ensure that only body mass cells are being sampled. On rare occasions the anal sampling probe is programmed to penetrate the subject’s braincase to collect brain cells for research purposes. Brain cells must be rigorously excluded from collections for the ABW program as some cell cloning machines may not properly filter these cells and accidentally produce sentient clones. Since Central Council regulations forbid the use of sentient beings of any intelligence class as ABWs, these beings must undergo extensive and costly consciousness alteration and integration into Galactic society, or equally arduous reintegration and return to their home planet. Cell Collection Technicians must exercise every precaution to avoid this embarrassing and expensive outcome.
17. When the sampling cycle is complete, withdraw the probe and run the sanitization procedure.
18. Elevate the subject using the hover probe and return the exam table to its normal position.
19. Activate the re-robing robot as needed.
20. When the subject is again clothed, apply the memory modification device. Delete any conscious or subconscious memories of the acquisition, exam, and collection procedure. The importance of this procedure cannot be overstated as insufficient memory modification has led to a small number of Terrans retaining some memory of the sampling procedure. While these beings represent only a tiny percentage (0.000013%) of the total number of Terrans acquired and sampled on a regular basis, any mistakes in this area should not be tolerated. A larger segment of the Terran population becoming aware of the cell collection program could lead to active resistance with attendant negative consequences for the ABW program.
21. Notify the acquisition team that the subject is ready for return.
22. Remove personal protective equipment and dispose of properly.
23. Sanitize appendages.
24. Document the procedure in the log matrix and prepare the work area for the next subject life form.