With the newly escalated Ebola threats, terrorist plots, and God knows what other forms of chicanery and trouble looming on the horizon, the threat of a zombie apocalypse gets more and more real by the day. In light of all the events, it almost seems plausible. Whether of not such a disaster would occur remains to be seen. However, should it occur, wailings, lamentations, and gnashing of teeth in Biblical proportions would surely ensue. Seemingly only a team from the pages of comic books themselves would be able to ensure one's survival. So, just for poops and chuckles, here is my zombie apocalypse survival team.
Poison Ivy – She would make an excellent security chief thanks to her plant controlling abilities. Thick walls of brambles could easily be erected to form botanical bulwarks around the base camp. In addition to this, Venus Fly Trap like extensions would serve as awesome turret-like defensive stations to catch any zombie that came too close. Also, food production is another vitally essential subject, making her a definite no-brainer.
Spawn – Every group needs a heavy assault trooper. Al Simmons gets my vote. He's kind of a zombie anyway. So, he should fit right in. His chains and other improvised weaponry would lead to some interesting combat scenarios. He also has his Hellspawn powers to call upon when needed. When danger erupts, just tell him to imagine each and every walker is wearing Clown makeup, wind him up, turn him loose, and enjoy the show.
The Flash – Why Wally West? Well, sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it, the heavy handed guns blazing approach isn't always the best plan of action. Some operations require a more subtle touch for controlled carnage. Let's face it, the zombies move very slowly, they aren't that bright, and don't respond quickly to changes in stimuli around them. So, he would be a most suitable choice when it comes to hitting them before they even knew what happened. Hand him a couple of Bowie knives and he can run rings around even a super herd, shaving off an outer layer at a time, decimating it before they even knew he was there. Work smarter, people, not harder.
Deadpool – Not only is he an ideal close-quarters combat soldier, but he would make an excellent personal bodyguard. Just think about it. He's more than qualified to do the job. And, you can only watch zombie killings for so long before they begin to get boring. So, having the Merc With The Mouth around to entertain you during downtime seals the deal. Never a boring moment to be had when Wade Wilson is around.
Nightcrawler – Most every group needs a stealth type character. Most people would call this the ninja archetype. Well, I'm not that into ninjas. Really, I'm not. I like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all. But, outside of their techniques, fighting styles, and weapons, they don't exactly fit the ninja mould. However, I digress. Kurt Wagner fills this role nicely. His teleportation abilities not only allow him access to other unreachable spots. But, they can also provide a quick escape should things go downhill in a hurry. Plus, I just really like the way he talks. In the midst of such a dreary and depressing scenario, his upbeat attitude and demeanour would be most welcome.
That’s my story and I'm sticking to it. My team of seven could, I feel, get me through anything. We all know that this would never be possible. But, that is the beauty of comics. Even when all Hell is breaking loose in the real world, we can immerse ourselves in a fantasy world to take our minds off of things for a bit. We can do these things where we dream up this team or that team and who would best who in a fight. They really are modern mythology. But, then reality comes back. Hoever, I'll tell y'all this much. Should an actual zombie apocalypse occur, I'm heading to Washington DC. No, I don't think I can throw myself at the feet of my government and expect them to take care of me. I'm not a Democrat. But, I figure it like this. There is such a lack of brains there, that if I can hide out in the middle of the city, any zombies that might be present would die of starvation before reaching me.